The Black Sheep Of The Family Co.
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Black Sheep
-Black sheep of the family is someone who is marginalised, scapegoated, misunderstood. They may be particularly sensitive, emotionally intense, curious, and are wired differently. When the family has identified a person as the black sheep, all members project unwanted negative traits onto the scapegoat. Pointing fingers at the black sheep of the family is an unconscious strategy for some family members to evade their own emotional materials.
The Meaning of Being a Black Sheep of The Family
The official term for the black sheep of the family in Systemic Family theory is the “Identified Patient” (IP). This term is used to describe the phenomenon of how a family with unhealthy relationship dynamics assigns one person in the family as the scapegoat. Theories on family systems have taught us that it is not uncommon for family members to carry particular ‘roles’. Apart from the black sheep scapegoat role, some other common roles include the baby, pet, and peacemaker. Through the mechanism of projection, pointing the finger at another family member as the cause for all woes is a common unconscious strategy used by some family members to evade their own emotional pain and sufferings. Being made the black sheep of the family forms a toxic family dynamic, which can result in complex trauma and a wide array of psychological impacts.
Signs that you were made to play the role of the ‘black sheep’
- Your parents treated you differently when compared to the way they treat your other siblings.
- You were criticised for the way you are, and being name-called as ‘the drama queen’, ‘the cry baby’, ‘weirdo’, ‘overly sensitive’ etc.
- Your mistakes were blown out of proportion and/or punished disproportionately.
- Your parents did not intervene or take notice when you were being bullied by others.
- You always have the feeling that you “didn’t fit in” with your family, and you did not develop strong connections with them.
- When you thrive, get stronger and more independent, you sense your family members’ intent on bringing you down or dismissing your achievements.
- You were being bullied by your siblings, or that they ‘jokingly’ mock you for your idiosyncrasy.
- Name-calling- you were always ‘the weird one’, the ‘wild card’, or ‘the trouble’.
- Your family didn’t know who you truly are beyond the superficial, and have shown little interest in doing so.
- You were constantly being criticised for your natural attributes; such as your artistic or sensitive temperament.